Aftermath of the Presentation

If I only had 2 words to describe my feelings about the presentation, it would be, "I survived!" If you know me personally, the person I become when I present is totally different. It is possession, I always believe. Luckily, this time I was possessed by an "okay" spirit.

I am very passionate about this subject (refer to my biodata if you like) and I felt I did not do justice to the secondary sources I read. I am the fool who watched Steve Jobs' keynote address but still did not perform very well. In my anxiety to cut words and add pictures, I forgot to organise my slides and what I speak. Looking at the confused faces, I should probably have included more text and punchlines. I think I spoke too fast too and rambled at certain junctures.

I am grateful for Yuvraj's optimism and relative calm compared to me. I am a worrier and the short time we had to prepare just made me panic more. Furthermore, Yuvraj's laptop crashed last Friday and my laptop keep having wireless problems. However, I think both of us were acceptable given the circumstances.

Thank you to the audience for the questions. Dinesh, I liked the glamour question and I felt it was such a great question your group should address it too. I do not wish for a great impact but I hope after seeing this presentation, you would try your best to reduce and reuse. We still have too many years left to live on this planet to destroy it in our time.

One step from the highest ecelon of total genius.

Further musings on the Virginia Tech shooting

To escape from mugging, I have been reading many articles on the latest American campus shootings online. And feeling more and more depressed.
There was this guy who actually commented that the way to stop future shootings is to allow everyone to carry guns on campus. He actually has the audacity to say that if everyone could carry guns, the killer would have been gunned down before he could kill more people. HOW WOULD LETTING EVERYONE MURDER EACH OTHER HELP THINGS? Can you imagine if you were the one who shot dead the killer, someone else rushes in with their own gun, thought you were the mad mass murderer and kills you? And the process repeats till some sane person stops the madness. This is just one hypothetical suituation...
Stuff like this makes me want to kill myself than live and understand the underlying chaos in this world.

American Uni Shooting

Random thought while studying (not that I am doing much). That South Korean killer is freaky ugly, typical Asian Chinese Yellow ugly. Oh yeah, no wonder he shot himself in the face, disfiguring his face so horribly they took some time to identify him. BUT I am ugly (and fat, worse) too and I don't go around shooting people.

I can barely pass my first year and the people he killed are promising undergraduates who are gonna graduate soon, graduate students and VERY smart professors... Gee, in terms of absolute value, I deserve to die more. Sobering thought, better get back to studying soon.

Anyway, I was talking about this case to my mom and ranting about effective gun control and she looked me in the eye and told me knives will work just as well in indiscriminate murder. Coming from a police officer, another sobering thought. Yeah, guess there is a million ways to die. If you have the intent and the opportunity, you will succeed in killing. Actually, I was quite surprised there were only 30 plus deaths, considering the accuracy of handguns in close proximity. I wonder when the next school killing record will be broken. I cannot recall if there were any injured people. If there weren't, this guy really shot to kill and the rest of the bullets were warning shots or that testosterone-driven nutcase just wanted to hear the sounds of gunfire. But then again, the kill to bullet ratio is very low in the world, thank god for that or many lives would be lost.

Last random non-sequitur, hope I don't meet him in hell. I make sure he feels that a bullet to the head is more desirable. I hate self-righteous people even insane ones.

Catharsis

I just need to rant about my slack-ness!!! All my new year resolutions have went flying out of the window! All the crap about pulling my C.A.P., BULLSHIT! I have not done any academic work (I didn't even touch my school bag except to get it out of the way so my aunt can vaccum the floor) since my lab session ended on 1pm Friday! All I did since then was sleep a total of 16 hours, give or take a few hours, watch 8.5 episodes of Hana Kimi, 1 episode of Goong S, a few minutes of Maple, and GOD KNOWS how many holes of Pangya. FUCK! What the hell is wrong with me! I STILL GOT a computing assignment to hand in tomorrow and I'm shit at computing! WTF did I get cs1101 in the first place! IT KILLED MY GENERAL ACCOUNT POINTS SOMEMORE! I spent 500++ bloody points to go into a module I probably will FAIL. FAIL, you stupid head! FAIL!

P.S. I just had to post this or I go mad. Probably because my period started yesterday. Everything I come into some kind of equilibrium about the gender divide, I get my period and I just think, "DAMN all males! BASTARDS! No need to suffer this kind of trouble their whole god damn shorter lives."

Lesson Learnt

I will never join a game design competition in my life again. NEVER, unless the game in question is only a concept which yes, I can polish and crap a lot about it. For 24 hours of a competition, I spent 11/12 of the time watching tv, watching anime, playing games, writing 3 versions of a story that went from plausible to absolutely nutcase. I managed to watch a 2 hour long anime movie for god's sake Sleeping is high on my agenda now.
A silent accepting withdrawal is imperative now. To minimise the "face loss" if anything else. It was a disaster of HIROSHIMA's proportions. Two teams of strangers unwittingly thrown together. Bound to be conflict.
BUT I NEVER MET MORE BIG-HEADED GUYS in my lifetime. FUCK IT ALL. I mean if it cannot work, it fucking cannot work. And they KEEP assuring they can do it, its possible. DAMN, I am freaking useless at game design but even I know not to upset a whole kettle of fish when I see it. ARGH!
Cannot blame them totally, I concede that, we were just too naive. By we, I meant me and my poor friend Peishan who drew till she puke blood most of the images. All I lost was an entire term break. GREAT! If I flunk that Biodiversity test, I am just gonna tell myself I deserve this shit because I was steeped in shit.
Done many projects in JC , academic or competition. Worst competition group I was ever in. Good experience through. Proves my theory that I can only succeed in groups with males when I can effectively boss them around. Alan, Zhenhui, Wee Tit, Kuah Chieh, what the fuck were all of you when I miss you most. Ok, I include that senior guy, Adrian and Samuel. FUCK IT ALL. Even Ting Long functioned better as a teammate.
End of rant, lack of privacy...

NUS finally! SCHOOL! YeAh! Pour on the sarcasm, man!

The 4th week of university is over and I am SWAMPED with homework. I am in deep shit. Having not done homework conscientiously since Sec 1, I am faced with the prospect of having to do homework every week just to cope with tutorials. As of now, I got 7 undone assignments, out of which 4 counts towards my final grade. CURE MY PROCRASTINATION! Someone! Please, anyone!

(This quick entry was typed at the bequest of Eel, who say I must clear the bloody cobwebs of my bloody blog.)

At Long Last, an Update on My Meaningless Life

Reread my few blog entries and I realised how much my English has deteriorated. I haven't written anything in the English language since Dec 3, my SAT test. In fact, I think I hadn't even had a decent conversation in English in months. My life is a meaningless bore. I work long hours at a job that basically involves sitting around doing nothing until a customer comes and they come rarely. (It pains me to write this, where are all the sudden flashes of vocabulary that enable to piece together a coherent sentence, they are gone and I'm ranting.) I met two new friends on the job, they are both so different yet I think they are closer than I am to them. I shall confess on this blog I feel deeply apologetic about canceling on the last minute on them due to my paranoia. Oh never mind!
I did not go out with a certain someone twice in the past few months and that is something I regret. Just penning this down to etch it in my heart so I will never do it again.
I been reading a lot. My colleague asked me how many books I read in my life. I was mystified, after all my years of library trawling, I never thought about the number I actually read. It must be in the hundreds or even thousands. Just finished I, Robot by Issac Asimov. If you think it is anything like the movie, you are wrong. I love it, it forces me to think and reflect and that is rare of a book. Rule 1 of robots: They must not harm humans or by their inaction, cause a human to be harmed. Rule 2: They must obey humans, unless that is in violation of the first rule. Rule 3: They must seek to preserve themselves, unless that is in violation of Rule 1 and 2. Pretty comprehensive huh?
I been sighing regularly these days. Oh, how I hope I get something interesting to do!